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The Colbert Report/Episode/553
Production Info |- |} |- |} The Check-In * Dr. Colbert was busily working when his Jewish friend interrupted him to talk about trivial things, like: ** how he's been doing ** how his family is doing ** if he still goes fishing ** if he has lost weight Intro Virgin Billionaires! * Dr. Colbert wants to tell us something ** we're authentic like he is * when you see him at the desk, you know he is who he says he is * he doesn't buy into * Robert Mugabe is really a rebel billionaire ** Zimbabwe has 200,000,000% interest ** Anyone who can buy bread is a billionaire (or a Breadinaire in the native Zimbabwe language) * Branson has something to prove ** a real man goes kite surfing with a naked model on his front * online interview with accent mogul, Arianna Huffington, where Branson says he wants to get into a fistfight with Dr. Colbert ** and that Stephen is an historical figure! ** take that Adolf Hitler! * when he appeared on The Report in aught-seven, he showed that he's really a Sir Dick * he can make it to The Eagle's Nest * 1777 Code of Dueling ** clearly states in Rule 16: challenger can choose the weapons * The Feud of The Dudes With Nudes * no-holds-barred chicken fight * duel with naked models (or "hairless shoulder monkeys") on their backs Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger * some things History will let Dr. Colbert Judge: Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger * Tip Byron York ** future polls should contain the margin of error (+/- blac people * Tip Gong'an province ** ordered their citizens to smoke locally-made cigarettes * Wag Montana groom chose grizzly bear as his "best man" ** claimed the bear is a friend; the bear sees him as a talking hotdog *** he could hook up with a bridesmaid, SEGMENT3 * it's no secret that The Report will be going to the Persian Gulf for some R&R: ** Ramadan and regional conflict * Where In The World And Where In Time Is Stephen Colbert Going To Be In The Persian Gulf? * The Pentagon says the segment intro still gives away too much information ** Stephen had a new theme song, graphic * The Press Your Luck Board ** Saudi Arabia! * finally a country Dr. Colbert cares about * named after the House of Saud ** similar to how Uruguay was named after a urologist who was guay * Saudi 7th most authoritarian country in the world * Riyadh * US has 284 deployed in Saudi Arabia * troops provide Saudi National Guard * video advice provided by persons station in the Gulf (somewhere) * Stephen has advice for them: ::Please don't let anyone hurt him; he's an historical figure Interview * Laurie Garrett ** book: "The Coming Plague: Newly Emerging Diseases in a World Out of Balance" * global health expert better understanding of swine flu as long as better understanding it does not interfere with irrational fear * they shared some purell * wrote cover article of the current issue of Newsweek ** a pig on the cover at the door trying to lick our children * it's new and nasty, but not nasty enough * we're in the middle of an epidemic ** when she heard there was an epidemic, she only thought of how much cash she could rake in * industrial pig farms are * pigs are mixing vessel ** because they are delicious ** they will eat anything * permissive GI tract ** their guts have loose morals * we need to be terrified of chickens ** there is H5N1 *** 850 times as bad; 82% of people who get it die * started in the U.S. we exported it to Mexico ** then she insulted Lou Dobbs by suggesting that we quarantine him * Indonesia will not share their ** they believe we make and release the virus (along with the Jews) and charge people for the antidote Epilogue * Dr. Colbert if you can't stand the idea of being apart, freeze the picture and hug your screen for 23 and a half hours; the warmth you feel isn't radiation, it's ... Gallery Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Official Truthy Videos * Colbert Nation Home Tube External Tubes *Link Title *Link Title Reviews and Comments